Space Warriors Review.
Welcome to space month everybody! Quick explanation, back in January I was exploring around on imdb when I realized that there are a lot, and I mean a lot of shitty space films. So, with all of those movies, I decided, on a whim, to make February space month. We got quite the lineup of films for you guys this month, and here’s hoping they’re less disappointing than this one.
The film begins with our main character Jimmy, being told that he won a chance to go to space camp for free! His mom says no, so Jimmy uses his tech prowess to make a fake voicemail from his dad saying he’s taking him out camping for a week. He sneaks off to the space camp and we get introduced to our gang, Lacey, Bao, Dani, Sergei, and Rusty.
It turns out they’re all in one team, and this week at space camp they’re holding a competition, and the winning team gets to the International Space Station for a bit, then get sent back. I highly doubt it but ok. The rest of the film is as predictable as you’d expect, just a few competitions with a montage and a few scenes to make this plot a little bit more.
There are two subplots. One of them is that Jimmy has a crush on Lacey, and is a huge dick to her by saying her dream, to touch a star, is stupid. Sounds reasonable to you but this is just before she said that they have discovered stars that are as low as 80 degrees. The other plot is that the ISS is losing oxygen and only 3 of the 6 can escape because there aren’t enough working escape pods.
Eventually it’s revealed that Lacey lied on her application, saying she was 15 when she wasn’t quite 15 yet. This then gets her kicked out, and it was the day before some tandem bike race! To make things worse, the rival team sabotaged their bike, so just as our hero team is going to win, things break down and they lose. Oh no, is all truly lost? What do you think?
Our characters are what I like to call tap water characters. They do what they need to do, but they are not anything special. They have their own little characteristics, Bao is good at rockets, Rusty is a mechanic, Dani builds robots, Sergei, plays CSGO I guess, Lacey can fly and Jimmy does jack shit. Hey at least these guys are honest about how useless Jimmy is. But yeah, the acting is mediocre, and no one else really does much, so I guess that’s that.
Some members of the rival team tell the truth, that they cheated and all, and because of that the rival team gets disqualified. Our heros team wins! But, just as they get disqualified Jimmy’s parents drive up and they say they wanna take him back home. Just then Jimmy’s father, who’s apparently working with NASA, finally gets a call about what’s going on on the ISS.
Jimmy sneaks off, calls Lacey up, and the whole team gets together, and they deduce a plan which NASA just lets happen. Basically the plan is to put the astronauts into a sort of cryo sleep, then use robots to, I guess fix the space station? Nasa just kinda lets them do it, but It’s never really clear as to what they’re actually doing, since a bunch of Cosmonauts just kind of shoot up and save them. But hey, who cares, our guys did something to save the day! They get a big trophy, and Lacey and Jimmy hug and kiss and all that sweet stuff, and then the crew gets a pizza party. The End!
I have a theory that this film was made by the space camp organization itself in order to advertise space camp. I mean after doing some research it looks like this was shot at the actual space camp. Plus it was constantly trying to tell us “Oh kids don’t look up to astronauts or mathematicians” and shit like that. That is the only excuse I could give this film, because if it isn’t then this is just a horribly boring film. Stay away. Here’s hoping next weeks film can be more exciting!