Santa Claus (1959) Review.
Merry christmas everyone! I hope you all have lovely family members, friends, pets, internet friends, anyone you can spend time with. And for all you lovely people out there, consider this a christmas present to all of you. Santa Claus 1959 is, somehow, the first movie we’re tackling on this show that was made in Mexico! Mexico is pretty well known for having crazy ass films, and this is no exception. So let’s stop stalling and get into this bitch!
The movie begins in Santas, cloudy space station, oh boy this is off to a great start. Santa starts playing a piano and it’s revealed, in this version of Santa, instead of elves he has children from all over the world making the toys! God damn, Santa’s breaking child labor laws, bastard should give himself some coal.
After 20 minutes of Santa showing off his collection of child workers, we’re suddenly transferred to hell, where a devil is dancing and jumping around, like a some kind of a, satanic theater actor. Well I guess it makes sense for the devil to be gay. He gets told by fucking Lucifer that he has to make all the kids be naughty to mess with Santa. THAT’S RIGHT KIDDOS IT’S SANTA VS SATAN!
Well anyways, the devil goes up to the earth and starts telling kids to do some naughty things, like making some kids throw some rocks at a Santa animatronic, and one other girl to steal a doll. We learn that, in this world, Santa watches kids through a giant, weird ass telescope, and can hear kids through an antenna with an ear on it, and a speaker with some DSL’s. He watches the girl who stole the doll, who at least does the right thing and puts the doll back before she leaves.
After a bit more nonsense, it’s revealed that Santa works with fucking Merlin, and a blacksmith that very well might be Hephaestus. From them he gets a flower that can make him invisible, a key that will open any door just by touching it, and powder that can control people’s sleep. With those tools, Santa heads out to deliver presents. Also there’s this weird dream sequence from the girl that almost stole the doll, and it’s absolutely terrifying. But now that Santa is out and about, it’s time for him and the devil to get into their duel of the night!
I, genuinely have no idea what to say here. Like I considered cutting this part of the review completely but, it’s part of the formula and I kinda have to, so, I guess this’ll be short. Santa is Santa, no shit. The devil is very camp and clearly gay, doing many completely unnecessary gestures and movements. Merlin is just a goofy old man, and, I guess there’s also the little girl, but, eh, not really. Acting is what you’d expect from the 50’s, not exactly boring, but also not good.
So! While out doing his christmas eve run, the devil starts doing some nasty tricks, such as moving a chimney, somehow, leaving no hole, again somehow, and therefore making it impossible for Santa to get in there. Santa just, goes in through the front door then, using that magic key.
Next house though, the devils got his plan, he keeps the fireplace lit, and in order to stop him from getting through the door, he uses his heat powers to warm up the doorknob to give Santa the old spicy doorknob technique. But santa just goes through the window, and shoots him in the butt with a little Cannon. Santa laughs as the devil just kinda, says there, doing nothing. Santa then flies off, and the devil has a neat plan.
After watching him a bit, he learns about his powers, and while santa is giving presents, he grabs some scissors and sneaks into the sleigh. While santa is flying off, he cuts the bag santa is using to have the invisible flower and powder, making them fall to the ground. When Santa gets to his next house, the devil sicks a dog on Santa, trapping him in a tree! He then uses his devil powers to convince everyone in the house to grab guns, call the cops, and go shooting at the intruder.
They do so, but just before everything happens, Santa manages to get away, and they mistake the devil for the intruder, and take him down! Santa is then allowed to deliver presents in peace, and he gives the little girl from earlier an even bigger doll. Everyone has a Merry Christmas, and since the devil didn’t do what he was supposed to, he is stuck in the cold area of hell, which he hates. The End!
Look folks, lemme tell you, this movie somehow both lived up to my expectations, and didn’t live up to my expectations. First off, the film is definitely as weird and wacky as I expected, but at the same time, I was just expecting more from a film with the synopsis of Santa and Merlin fight the devil. Would I recommend it? Eeeeeh, well if you read the review and this seems like your cup of tea, I guess, but I’d say stick with the normal classics. That being said, Merry Christmas everyone! I can’t wait to see you guys next week!