Ghost Busters (2016) review.
Look guys, I’m gonna be real, when setting out with the poll and all that I was hoping that, whatever movie you picked, we could get the whole review crew together and have a good time riffing on a piece of shit movie. I hoped that! But little did I know how bad Ghostbusters 2016 really was. Lets stop delaying the inevitable and just get on with this. You chose this not us.
The plot to this movie is not worth it’s two hour runtime. It’s just not! There’s so much of this movie thats padding! So in order to keep this review short, we’re gonna skip over those scenes and just do the parts that are actually necessary to follow. Alright? Okay, let’s do this.
The movie opens on a ten minute scene of nothing but showing us that ghosts exists. The movie proper begins with our main character, Arin, at her job. She acts like an unprofessional bumbling idiot until she’s approached by a man talking about the ghost we saw in the original, and some sort of book she wrote. Surprised by the fact that this book is on the internet, she goes to her old friend, whom she wrote the book with. There is another character in this scene who does little to affect the plot. After a bit of talking, the old friend convinces Arin to go to the house.
While there they see a ghost, and Arin freaks out. She is then fired for freaking out after seeing a ghost, and we get a long scene of stupid comedy when it should be played as a serious moment! Sorry, cutting through the padding. Arin and her little group of friends set up a ghost busting business, and soon attract a wacky black chick to join them as well. Also Kevin, who is literally retarded. Like I know this sounds like a joke but I am positive Kevin is actually retarded.
After a few ghost busting gigs, the busters are told to stop busting ghosts. They do not do this, and instead go into some hotels basement, where a man is about to unleash a whole bunch of ghosts using a machine. He then kills himself, and proceeds to possess the old friend. Notice how this plot seems pretty bare bones for a two hour movie?
There are 4 characters in this entire movie, which sucks because there are more than 4 actors in this movie. And since this movie was apparently made by communists, a whole bunch of people have to share the same shitty character. There’s the eccentric nerd, the asshole, the idiot, and the one sassy black woman. That’s every character, and here’s a shock for you, BEING ECCENTRIC DOES NOT EQUAL BEING A FLESHED OUT CHARACTER!
All of these characters are just one dimensional planks of wood, and I’d be fine with that if this were say, a dumb action film or some kind of chick flick, you know the type of film where character is kind of second to what people actually come for, but this film constantly tries it’s damnedest to give these people backstories and make this film about people who we care about! But the only one who gets any actual fleshing out is Arin, and her backstory is dumb! She saw a ghost as a kid and everyone made fun of her. Yeah, alright, that makes sense!
It’s so weird because she still feels a grudge about it to this day! And she’s like, in her 30s at this point. Was the fact that you saw a ghost when you were like, 7 or some shit, such a side splitter that people kept making fun of you for over 20 years because of it!? GOD THESE CHARACTERS SUCK! In hindsight I’m glad they’re not all fleshed out, because if they’re as dumb as her backstory, then I don’t want to hear them! Also, for some reason, every man in this film is portrayed as completely incompetent. Like, literally every male character.
As I said in the postal review, I hate to critique comedy. But I have to here because, oh my god. Not one, not one joke made any of the people I watched this film laugh! Every time we were supposed to be laughing, we were just screaming at the movie to SHUT THE HELL UP! Apparently most of these jokes were improved, which I believe, because they just stretch these jokes out for literal minutes sometimes!
There is an art to comedy, something that considering my jokes I still need to figure out, but these guys just ignore it completely! Their idea of a comedy is, throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. The problem is that doesn’t tend to make finely crafted comedy, that tends to make those god awful early 2000s parody movies.
So, the spirit of the dead guy goes around as the friend, before literally being slapped out of her by the black girl while she screams about jesus and shit. It’s funny, in the 80’s our black character was a respectable hard working man, and today’s black character is an unstable nutcase screaming about jesus. Progress! But I digress, so the ghost instead decides to invade Kevin’s body, who apparently has super strength as he lifts a man above his head and slams him into a wall. He makes his way to the machine and unleashes all the ghosts!
After a few dumb action scene, as well as a the FOURTH dance number, our heros attack, and the ghost decides to leave kevin’s body. He then asks them to choose the form of their destructor, and they choose the ghostbusters logo. So he starts running a muck across the city. The ghostbusters do what ghostbusters always have to do at the end of their movies, and cross the streams, which both closes the portal and kills the villain. There’s something symbolic about watching these heroines killing the ghostbusters logo, which they do by shooting him in the balls. Wait a minute, he doesn’t even have balls!
Anyways, the guy is getting sucked back into the portal, when he grabs Arins friend! Oh no! Arin then grabs a rope and jumps into the portal, brings her out, and they suddenly have white hair. This is not explained, and is done away with in the next scene so why is it even here? Padding thats why! After a bit more nothing, because this film hasn’t tortured us enough already, the heroines get the old ghostbusters firehouse. The end! Oh also Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and Ernie Hudson are in this movie.
You know, this film was terrible, but at least I learned something, Doug Walker is a pandering hack who said this movie was alright. It’s not alright! Bad characters and long and drawn out scenes where nothing happens is not alright! 3 Minute long improve sessions with not a single clever or funny joke is not alright! Blank slate characters with basically no notable characteristics aside from the 4 base ones everyone has, is not alright! This film was terrible! Truly an awful watching experience. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!