Fantastic 4 Review!
The fantastic 4! Man their media sucks doesn’t it? It’s like a curse, all their movies, their cartoon series, I don’t know if they have a game but if they do it’s probably terrible. These guys just can’t catch a break! It almost seems like these guys can never escape their comics and expect quality. Or can they? What if I told you that there was a movie made about the Fantastic 4 that was actually not bad? More interesting, that it was never released? Well this film is real and that’s what we’re reviewing this week! Now the question stands, if it was never released, how did I watch it? Youtube. It’s free on youtube. Now without further adieu, let’s start this baby!
The film begins with Victor Von Doom and Reed Richards in college, working on some machine to harness the power of some space anomaly called Colossus. However, upon trying the machine, the power of Colossus is too big for the machine to handle, and it starts sparking! Reed realises how bad this is and gets out of there, while Victor stays and gets electrocuted. Suddenly, while in the hospital, two Latverian men come out of nowhere and kidnap him.
We cut to a few years later, where Reed is now a doctor who is going to send a spaceship to see Colossus, which is coming near earth yet again. He recruits his friends, Ben Grimm, Johnny Storm, and Susan Storm, who he seems interested in. Just before they get ready to launch the ship, Ben fucks up, bumps into a blind girl, and causes her to drop and break her statue. She’s angry, but after feeling his face and realizing she’s hot, she decides to forgive him then goes home.
Up in space, our heros realise “Oh shit our ship can’t handle this!” The ship crashes, but miraculously they’re perfectly fine. Even more strangely, they’ve gained powers! Reed Richards can stretch his body to any size, Susan Storm can turn invisible, Johnny storm can control fire, and Ben is now a rock monster.
After a bit of time testing out their powers, they eventually break out. Meanwhile, some mysterious guy in a mask is just kinda, there. After realising they’re being held captive, they decide to break out. They beat up some guys and run out of the room, finding themselves in a big industrial room with a giant laser. The man in the mask comes out and reveals himself as Dr.Doom! He leaves and lets his goons beat up on them, some more action happens, and Doom delivers one of the few genuinely good jokes in the movie.
After escaping, the Fantastic 4 make a base and costumes, while Ben runs away because he blames Reed for him looking the way he looks. After wandering the streets, he finds out that he’s accepted by them. However, he also discovers that they have kidnapped the blind girl he likes. Suddenly Dr.Doom comes in and wants a crystal that the blind girl has. Ben decides to fight, but randomly his powers disappear. He runs outside and gets his powers back, also randomly.
Realising the girl he supposedly loves is now in danger, he re-joins the Fantastic 4. Just then, Dr.Doom calls them on their video phone, and tells them that the laser is now working and he’s gonna blow up New York City with it! The only way for them to stop him is to give themselves up to him so he can suck up their powers and take them for himself. This is also around the time where it’s revealed Dr.Doom is actually Victor. Feeling the need for heroism, the fantastic 4 decide it’s time for action.
The characters in here are, serviceable. Reed is smart, Ben is the average Joe, Susan is shy, and Johnny is a hot head. Victor is also smart but it consumes him. The acting is, fiine. It’s about what you’d expect from 90s B movies. There is one exception however, once Victor goes full Dr.Doom, Things get really interesting! This guy’s just chewing the scenery, over acting to the extreme, and it’s amazing.
I don’t think I mentioned this yet, but this film was made by Roger Corman. If you know who Roger Corman is that should give you an idea about how the effects look like. If you don’t, I’d describe Roger Corman as someone who knows how to do a lot with a little, which is actually rather commendable. This film was made with holy half a million dollars, and boy does it show. The effects are made with love, but are also very cheesy. To sum it up, I’d give the effects a C+.
The Fantastic 4 travel to Latveria, where Dr.Doom is the king, and give themselves up. As Doom starts to suck them up however, Reed uses his stretch powers to destroy the power suckign machine, and freeing them. Dr. Doom quickly activates the laser and runs off while some Clobberin happens.
Reed goes after Dr.Doom, Johnny flies off in human torch form to stop the laser, and Ben rescues the blind girl and confesses his love for her. Reed catches up to Dr.Doom at the edge of a cliff, and beats him up, causing Dr.Doom to fall off the cliff. He pleads for help, and Reed can’t bring himself to let his old friend die, so he reaches down with his stretch powers. Dr.Doom starts talkin shit, then, like an idiot, manages to somehow lose grip of the glove he’s wearing, causing him to fall to his death.
Meanwhile, Johnny storm has caught up with the laser, somehow, and manages to stop it before it hits New York, saving the day! Reed and Susan get married after confessing their love for one another, Ben and the blind girl start a relationship, Johnny is left single because he’s a dick, and the day is saved. The End!
I’ve seen all the fantastic 4 movies, except for the 2015 one because fuck that, and yeah this is the least bad one. Infact, I don’t think it even deserves to be called bad. There was clearly a lot of love put into this. Then again there are still a lot of faults to this movie, so I wouldn’t call it good. But, hey, that’s why we have the word OK. That’s pretty much what I’d call this movie, just OK. That being said if you’re a fan of the Fantastic 4 and wanna see a movie that isn’t bad, then feel free to watch this flick too.