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Dinocroc vs Supergator Review.

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Intro:
This is, possibly the craziest title we’ve had on this show. Dinocroc vs Supergator is brought to us by Jim Wynorski, the creator of Nessie and me. We picked this film out for that exact reason in case you’re wondering. Nessie and me was an insane and borderline nonsensical movie, with horrible over the top acting and random plot turns. So, of course, we were excited to see where this would go! But, we were let down.

Plot:
A disclaimer, there are so many random unrelated scenes of Dinocroc or Supergator coming out of nowhere and eating some random people, specifically girls with sizable tits, so basically whenever we start talking about a different scene just imagine there was a random killing. This is except for one scene which we’ll go to very soon.

The film starts right off, with shit going wrong in a Hawaiian research base owned by some guy called Jason Drake. A whole shit ton of people start running from the massive Supergator. He looks fucking terrible and walks on all fours, so how the hell is he supposed to catch anyone? I’ll tell ya, he catches them because they politely decide to stop running and stand still.

While all this is going down, some lady scientist pulls up her cellphone and tries to call Drake, but he doesn’t pick up. Suddenly something else bursts from the lab, Dinocroc. He looks a bit more intimidating since he has actual legs and not kirby stubs with fingers. After a bit of killing we cut to a couple on a beach who then run into the jungle to swim for a bit. The man stands in water that’s only about as deep as, let’s be generous and say his ankles, then Supergator just lunges out upwards and eats him. How the fuck does that work!? This is like, a tiny little pond how the fuck would he fit in there!?

Anyways, we then cut to one of our main characters, Blonde lady, on a boat who then gets called in because there’s some crazy shit going on and she works for the Fish and Wildlife Service, I guess. She gets to the dock, doesn’t tie her boat down like an idiot, and talks with her dad for a bit.

The next thing we cut to is a Rob Schneider looking guy, so we’re just gonna call him that, who gets a call from someone in my principal’s office who tells him, “You don’t have enough evidence for his theory on the case.” To be more specific than the film is, he’s a Government agent who was sent out to investigate this Jason Drake guy and his testing site, but couldn’t find anything. At risk of being dropped from the case, he decides to look into the site after it got all destroyed.

While this is happening , god this movie jumps around a lot, Jason Drake calls up some bounty hunter called the Cajun, and tells him to take care of business. He gets on a boat with some random black haired lady who I’m pretty sure is a porn star, and they start looking for gators. Meanwhile again, don’t worry we’re almost over with this shit, Blonde and Rob find the scientist lady from the start of the movie! They get her into their jeep but then Dinocroc shows up! They ripoff Jurassic Park for a bit before coming up on the river where the Cajun is, and since he’s got bomb arrows, he’s able to ward off Dinocroc so they can make it to a hospital. Finally, all our main characters are together!

Characters:
God damn these guys suck. Beyond a very basic level, characterization is a foreign concept to this film, and there are multiple times in the script where they try to have these characters have a moment or two of chemistry, but the acting is so terrible it just falls flat on its face. It’s basically just having robots go, “I love my father and the wildlife,” and “I am a bounty hunter from the south,” and that’s it! Also Jason Drake is played by David Carradine. Just thought I had to point that out somewhere.

Effects:
Good lord these effects are horrible. This film originally aired on the Syfy channel, the kings of terrible effects. First off they don’t even look like they belong there, they just look like they’re just stock .gif videos that they bought off the internet and decided to make a movie about them. Secondly, they look like they’re from bad PS2 games! But look do I really need to tell you this? I mean you can see them yourself, even in stills these effects look fucking awful.

The Ending:
So, now that everyone’s together, the scientist lady starts explaining what’s happening. So they were testing some sort of growth shit that would make humans stronger, but then for no reason Jason Drake calls them up and is like, “Hey I’ll give ya three million dollars to inject that shit into a Crocodile and an Alligator,” and they’re all like “Yeah sure.” Then the start of the film happens.

After spilling the beans, which Rob recorded, everyone goes outside for a bit, but the pornstar suddenly injects her lethally! She then runs off into nowhere, and we finally start winding down this plot. So a whole lot of people die, including Blondes dad, and I think the pornstar, and Blonde and Rob kiss. Finally The Cajun has a plan, just kinda let them kill each other. Great plan Mr.Bountyhunter. Well it actually works out since they start fighting and then release some gas into the air, which they have the idea to blow up.

Rob takes an explosive charge, chucks it into the air, and then jumps into a coveniently water filled bath tub that was just fucking there. There’s a big explosion, killing Dinocroc after he ate Supergator after a minute long fight, everyone walks off happy, but slowly we zoom into a barn close to where Dinocroc died, the lighting is low, the music is building to something, and finally… nothing. There’s nothing in there they just show us a blank wall. The End.

Conclusion:
Holy fuck this is bad. Like, really fucking bad. You know what else it was? Disappointing. After the crazy and fun and insane nonsense that was Nessie and me, I was fully prepared for this film to be just as insane and fun, but sadly it was just not meant to be. Do not watch this movie, it’s not fun, it’s not entertaining, it’s just bad. Bad bad bad.

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