Barbie Video Game Hero Review.
Hello again everyone! Todays review is a special one, since unlike almost every other movie we watch, this one was picked by my co-creator! Because of this he is no longer allowed to pick what movie we watch every week. This movie is a special kind of bad, and I’m kinda surprised how many of these there are. Anyone with kids out there, is Barbie even still popular? Like, as a toy? I digress, my point is these films are still coming out and it’s a mystery to me. So, let’s see if we can solve that mystery while reviewing Barbie Video Game Hero.
The film begins with our titular Barbie playing a game with her friends, who we’ll just call Black
Barbie and Asian Barbie since I can’t be fucked to figure out their actual names, playing a game
that Barbie apparently coded herself. It always bugged me, even as a kid, when tv shows or
movies have video games that don’t work how actual games would work. It’s hard to explain it
but the game moves more like an elongated cutscene than an actual game.
Anyways, Barbie and friends make it to one part of the game which seems to crash every time
they get to it. A pretty large bug that she tries to code out, using fucking Scratch. Scratch, for
those who don’t know, is an incredibly simplistic way to code, but it just got me so confused and
angry at first because it looks like she just drags random shapes, like a heart or star or triangle,
onto a background and boom that’s supposed to fix it.
So, after a few more tries she realizes that nothing is working. She decides to clear her head,
says goodbye to her friends, and lies on her bed, when suddenly her, well by the way she treats
her I think it’s barbies daughter. Her name is Chelsea! I think. Anyways she picks her up and
decides to let her play her game for a bit. Chelsea then, repeatedly, walks off a cliff at the start
of the game, even though it’s a 2D game and Barbie keeps telling her to not walk off the cliff.
She then complains about how the game should let her play her way. Shut up you brat not
every game is minecraft!
After she says that she hops off Barbies lap and suggests that they play Barbies favorite game,
Just Dance. No really this isn’t a joke she says Just Dance. Barbie tells her to fuck off because
she’s annoying, and hey this is the only time in the movie where I relate to Barbie. Suddenly she
gets an alert on her fucking huge tablet saying how there’s a new game and asking if Barbie
should play it. Now, if it were me, I would close that shit immediately since that is definitely a
virus. But, she presses yes and suddenly this becomes an Isekai movie.
After getting sucked into the game she’s told by this cloud thing that she has to save the game.
She just got sucked into because this virus is, well It’s taking over NPCs and stuff but it’s not
really shown why this is a problem. Anyways, so the first world is a racing game where Barbie
meets Tomboy Barbie and, Ken. They race, Barbie Wins, and all three of them move onto the
next world. Also there are these little powerups between worlds where Barbie can change the
game with code.
The next world is a completely different artstyle and game type, what is this warioware?
Anyways it’s basically candy crush, barbie wins after fighting some evil squirrels, and they all get
back in between worlds. However, Barbie notices a bonus game and decides to go in there and
save the NPCs in there too. It’s another racing game, but this time barbie loses and the last
thing we see is the Virus closing in on the NPCs. Barbie gets all upset and, for basically no
reason, the cloud guy explains that he accidentally created the virus, then we go to the last
world which is basically minecraft. Man this game would probably suck in all honesty.
Remember how I basically summed up every character in one or two words throughout this
whole review? Yeah that’s basically it. Barbie is our generic hero whos all nice and shit,
everyone else is very simplistic, but hey it’s a baby movie so, I really shouldn’t expect all that
much. The voice acting isn’t terrible, which is what surprised me. Most of the voice acting is
competent and gets the character’s emotions across well, all in all it’s pretty well done.
The animation in this film is constantly changing for each world Barbie is in. In the real world it
looks how’d you expect, like someone scanned in some barbie toys, touched them up a bit and
started animating them. The first world is like that too but more, anime inspired. The animation
here is really choppy but I think that’s intentional for some reason.
The next world goes for a cell shaded chibi look, which moves more fluidly than the first world,
the bonus game is the same as the first one but for some reason everyone looks like that
japanese thing where they paint their faces brown, I don’t know the name. And the final world
goes back to more choppy animation and everyone looks all blocky. I give credit to the
ambitiousness of it all, and it’s well done I guess, so whatever it’s fine.
So, now that we’re in the new minecraft world, and Barbies still a bit bummed because she
kinda let those two down and let them die. However upon exploring this minecraft world she
finds a block that extends and she builds a portal back to that world, and uses these blocks to,
essentially, cheat. The film uses the excuse of this being “Playing her own way,” but no it’s
Since Barbie won the race this time, the NPCs are saved from the virus. After a bit of fucking
around in the minecraft world, they manage to find a way to stop the virus. Basically they have
to shoot the virus with this special de-virusing gun. Then the virus forms into this big ball and
Barbie traps it inside of a tree with all these portals. She then shoots her gun into one portal,
shooting all sorts of lasers at the virus ball, turning all the viruses nice.
However, it’s then revealed there’s even more viruses and they form into a giant human like shape. How do they solve this problem? They play just dance. Given the fact that this acts like a second climax, and how it was only ever mentioned two other times in passing, I can’t help but feel like this Just Dance branding seems like it was implemented later on in the films production. Anyways, Barbie wins, the game is saved, she gets sent back to her world, fixes the game somehow, and plays just dance with her daughter. The end!
Man this movie is dull. There’s just nothing really to talk about here, aside from the animation
changes, which is kind of neat I guess. But aside from that, yeah there’s not much to talk about
here. I guess if you have a little girl who really likes barbie, she’ll like it fine, but this really isn’t
worth it to make fun of it.
Got a particularly bad film you’d like us to review? Feel free to request it on my twitter! I made it a while ago so it’s my old username.